Thanxs Shii-nee I really tried hard when i did my exams Yay!
It also seems like you've had a interestin day too You keep it up too okie
lol
xxxx

*Gets out vacuum cleaner and cleans the dust out of this topic.*

Erm, well it's been three solid weeks since I've posted anything in my journal thread, and yes I've been really baad ... or just really lazy. On the other hand it's not all due to me being busy with other things. Ever since I'd started this forum, I'd always felt like I was its mommy and that it always needed my constant attention to stay healthy and active. But in the past few months I guess that it seems things here have been doing well without my constant nurturing, which is a good thing although I know that I must not distance myself and become alienated from this community unintentionally. Maybe this forum isn't the busiest place on the net, but most of us probably wouldn't want this place to turn into Gaia Online anyways.

Hmm, how have other things been ... work has been keeping me tied up a lot during the day and I've had very little time for any any online activities other than sneaking a few breaks here and there. After I returned to work from my vacation trip, the boss literally closed my door and told everyone to leave me alone because the project that I'm working on is so far behind. The original date that the sales guy had promised the customer for the delivery is like two weeks away now and I'm still not finished designing it yet. v_v I've made lots of progress, but being shut in my office all day with no visitors can be really lonely and boring after a while. It's been over a month now, so I really need to get this thing done and move on to something else ... *sigh*

Personal life things have been going pretty well. The kiddies have been going to a summer school program everyday during the week and they've been having a lot of fun going on field trips, playing games outside and doing craft stuff, well my daughter does that, my son just likes to play games in the gym mostly. :P The weather here has been rather normal for summer with lots of humidity and warmth, which is okay if I'm not outside pulling weeds or something like that. The air conditioning at work is soo cold that I have to run my space heater to keep from freezing, even when it's so hot outside. Other people at work think that I'm kinda looney for doing that, but I really dislike the cold and damp humidity. In the evenings I still try to spend time chatting and visiting the forums and playing online games, although the spouse still picks on me a little for doing online things so much ... but I get my revenge in other ways ... teeheehee! :P

No you haven't been bad It does seem hard keepin up with a large forum
So its very understandable (wow big word )

Erm, here I am, back again. This time it's only been a week, so I must be getting a little better at this. Since last time, the weather here was horribly hot and sticky for the first half of the week, but later on things cooled off and became much more pleasant. Work has still been pretty intense and I've remained cloistered in my office again all of this week too. The prodigal job that I've been working on is finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, but at noontime yesterday I'd noticed that a lot of my work files had been deleted from the server, so I immediately found the IT guy so that he could restore them from the backup tape. He was still working on it when I left on Friday, so hopefully he was able to get them back. I'll really cry if I have to do all of that work all over again. v_v The kiddies have been having a ton of fun with their summer school programs, so for a little while I'd love to get away from work and go to a few of those fun things with them. Things have been going okay with the forum and there haven't been any problems ... except maybe Tomoyo-chan and Kagura-chan arguing over their compy, but my kids do that too and it seems rather normal to me. Today I was pretty lazy and didn't do much, but I love to get my rest on Saturdays. This morning I read some manga which I often do in bed before getting up to face the day, This afternoon I did go out and ride my bicycle for about 15 miles which isn't a whole lot but gave me some much needed physical activity. ;;

v_v

Today I found out that my grandmother is really ill and in the hospital. They don't know if she will make it or not, so I'll be going to visit and probably not be around here for a few days. Hopefully things will be okay both there and here, but if anyone needs any help with anything here, remember to give Yuzuki-chan a gentle poke. ;;

Hikaru-san...I know exactly what you mean.

Because 3 years ago my mom had to head overseas to visit her mom who was really ill. Yet on the day of Thanksgiving was when I received the terrible news when she passed away.

I hope your grandmother gets well soon, Hikaru-san. I wish her the best.

Thankies Yuki-san *Huggles*

We're all pretty sure that she's not ever going to fully recover from this. When I first saw her Thursday morning grandma looked really bad and she was really not herself, but that might have been because of the meds. She did get a little better while I was there and she is in a regular hospital room now instead of intensive care. The hospice people will be taking care of her soon if not already. Hopefully she'll hang on a little while longer so that I can take the kiddies down to see her one more time, maybe next weekend.

I hope so too.

I remember seeing how my grandmother looked in the hospital in the Philippines when my mom went to visit. Just seeing that gave me a sense of powerlessness.

*Blows dust off of journal book and opens it.*

It sure has been a long time since I've written anything in here, so here goes. First off my grandmother has actually improved somewhat and is back in a nursing home again. We always knew that she was strong, but coming back from what happened a couple of weeks ago really is a miracle. I still need to take everyone down there to see her again, but our car died and we need to get another one. All we have is the old pickup truck and that won't due for a long road trip like that. Cars can be such a pain and an endless drain of cash. Those of you that don't need one for going to work or school are better off without it considering how many hours you have to work to pay for a car. >_<

School has started again and that's nice for me ... and for the kiddies too because they're not quite old enough yet to start complaining about it. A couple of weird things happened in my town today that you don't often see. When I first arrived at work I saw to the south a huge billowing cloud of dark gray smoke. Something was burning quite vigorously down there, but I just hope that it wasn't someone's house. Then later on around lunch time someone came back from wherever the went for lunch and said that there had been a bank robbery just up the road and he wasn't able to get his paycheck cashed I guess.

Work has been as busy as ever and I finally finished up that white elephant job that has been soo late. The fun part of building it is coming up next and that's always an adventure in the custom job shop world. Most evenings I've been playing World of Warcraft and having a lot of fun with that, so that might be why I haven't been dirtying up the forum very much recently. I also wrote a fanfic based on WoW and it's about 90% finished. Maybe I should go and post what is done in the Fanfiction section ...

Ooooh lookie! Shii-chan is back to this and it's still the same month!! Teeheehee! ^_^ This past week has been a rather busy one for me, but not in a haphazard or chaotic manner so the days have been really zipping by quickly. It started out with a cool thing this Monday when we went out and got a new car after work. It's a dark red 2006 Mitsubishi and so far I really like it a lot. It's soo much better than the old clunker that died on us and we had that one hauled away yesterday. It's the first time that we've had a new car like that, so it's been really exciting for all of us. ^_^ Also think week I let Batou-san have a crack at rewriting the science fiction story that I did and for the most part he did a much better job, so I'm sort of embarrassed about that. ^_^;; At work I was able to get another project finished and sent out for approval which is always a good thing, because then I get to move on to something else. I also went to visit some friends last night to see their new sofa that they got. This one's a sleeper and their kiddies are already excited about inviting friends over for a sleep over. I'm not really sure what's up for tonight ... except what to have for dinner ... :P

This time it's not the same month, but so far I haven't given up on this yet! Yesterday, I was thinking back on some of the good things that have happened for me this year and there were quite a few of them actually. I guess the big thing was our family vacation trip to England that was really an awesome once in a lifetime type of thing that I'll always remember and I'm sure that the kiddies will too. I also got a new car this year which is something that I've always wanted but could never come up with a way to pay for it. We also got two kitties which is something that I've really wanted to do for the longest time and they're so much fun to have around the house being all cute and purring all the time! ^__^ There were a few bad things that happened this year of course, but I've kind of forgotten them, so now all there is to remember is what I will call "the good ol' days" many years from now in the future.

Eh-heh ... our house was child proofed as much as possible already, so a couple of kitties aren't much of an issue. And cats aren't nearly as destructive as human kids are. lol :P

Prepare to have everything scratched up.

There's two ancient overstuffed (lol, not anymore) chairs in our house that the cats love to sit on and scratch up. Since they're so old and decrepit, it doesn't really bother me if the cats shred them up. The kitties love those iccky old chairs and I have a hard time getting rid of the old things. ;;

Okies, well it's been a little while since I've done one of these, but it's also been a little while since I've had anything interesting to talk about too. This past weekend they held the little anime con that we have every year in my town so that's why I wasn't online very much this weekend. It's certainly not anything like Otakon or AX, but we're lucky to have one at all in a little town like mine. The staff said that there were about the same number of attendees as last year, however I did notice that there were loads more cosplayers than I had ever seen at this con (Bakuretsu Con BTW). Maybe because it was the weekend after Halloween and everyone already had costumes available because of that ... I'm not really sure. There didn't seem to be as many vendors in the dealer's room as last year, so I was a little disappointed that there wasn't a lot of DVD's and manga to look at. There were a number of anime showings, so I'll see if I can remember which ones I watched. Friday night I saw a few episodes of Tsukuyomi/Moon Phase which I thought was really weird at first. The opening for the show is very cutsey kitty ears stuff, but the show itself immediately went into the dark world of vampires and the occult. Sort of imagine Hellsing with the Tokyo Mew Mew opening. XD By the third episode you start to get good development of the character Hazuki/Luna so things start to make a little sense by then. She's rather cute, but also whiny and bratty at times and reminds me very much of Usagi-chan from Sailor Moon. Her "friend" (I hesitate to call him love interest) is exactly the opposite. Kohei-kun is quiet, calm, and to be nice ... dull. So put the two of them together and you get an interesting chemistry going, so I'll probably look into this series a little further. ^_^ After that I saw a couple episodes of Mai Hime which I've seen in the past, but never really gotten interested in though. It seems like a good show, but for some reason Mai Hime just never really lit any kind of spark with me. Friday night was also the night for the AMV contest, and I always like to watch those. There were a number made from Final Fantasy material, which make for good subject matter but are technically not anime, so it kinda bothers me that they allow them to be entered. I know that the bigger cons do not allow game based AMV's, so perhaps there should be a separate category for them.

Day two was partly taken up because I bring the kiddies bowling every Saturday morning, so I didn?t get to do any anime con stuff until the afternoon. First I went to see see some episodes of Full Metal Panic Fumoffu because it?s hilarious and one of my favorite anime series. Sosuke finds a strand of hair on his shoe locker which leads to suspicion, paranoia, explosives and ? *BOOM!!* The guy doesn?t believe in taking any chances. XD After that I got to see something that was a real treat for me. I didn?t know it, but recently the old classic series Voltron is being released on DVD now, and they showed the first 4 episodes at the con after FMP. It was the first time that I had seen Voltron in more than 20 years, and a little to my dismay I discovered that I had forgotten how much I had loved and adored the show at the time. A ?blast from the past? is too mild to describe it, it was more like a reunion with a best friend that I hadn?t seen in 20 years. By today?s standards Voltron?s artwork is certainly classic and the dialog at times is a little cheesy, but Voltron contains all of the elements to forge a great series. It?s the show that for me opened the door into the universe of Japanese animation for the first time. I?m sure that not too many people that visit here can remember living in a world with no internet, no cel phones, no DVD?s, no CD?s, no VHS, only the rich had Betamax because Beta's were so expensive, no cable TV for us (mom and dad couldn?t afford it) and those that did have cable only received 13 channels. So try to image seeing a Japanese TV show of any kind under those sort of conditions, and the only answer that I come up with is to fly to Japan and watch TV there. ^_^;; So for me, the Voltron series was the most fundamental step ? to really experience anime for the first time and I?ve been totally hooked ever since. Now that I know that I can get the DVD?s I can acquire the series for myself, hopefully all 72 episodes. ^_^ After Voltron, I went to the dealer?s room again and bought a few little goodies like fans and keychains and a Mokona plushie too! ^__^

The last day yesterday wasn?t very long, but I did get to see a couple of shows. I was only able to see a little of Genshiken, but it looked kinda funny and show specifically about Japanese otaku is probably quite interesting. I might see myself as one of the characters, so I?d better be careful about watching more of that lol. :P Another series that I saw that seemed good was Basilisk, a story about ninja clan conflicts in the Edo period of Japanese history. Some parts are quite violent, but there are also subplots of romance and political intrigues and the show seems to be quite well written. While I?m not one to really enjoy bloodbath gore anime, Basilisk is a step above that and I think that I could really like it. The only other viewing that I attended was a showing of 12 Kingdoms which I?ve already seen all of, but it?s such a great anime that I love to watch it at any opportunity that I can get. ^_^ After that was the final closing ceremony, and then to my mom?s house for dinner last night. So from this year's Bakuretsu Con I think that I've found two promising new series that bear some further viewing - Tsukuyomi/Moon Phase and Basilisk.

I remember when this thing was updated every day. XD Ah well. Still a cool topic.

Hehe, I guess that used to have a lot more to say than I do now, but I'm happy that someone thinks I'm a cool person to read about. *Huggles Casey-kun*

This past week was a very busy one for me, especially at work. For some reason a whole pile of things just came at me all at once, but a couple of things worked in my favor. I had just come off of a week of vacation, so I was more rested than usual, and the load of design work that I have now is very small. So after all that I sent out probably 20 units this week, which is a LOT for me. ;; So I guess that I feel like I've accomplished something this week. XD Yesterday I did get some bad news however. My grandmother that was sick since last summer passed away quietly yesterday. We all pretty much knew that she wouldn't be able to hold on much longer, but it's very sad that it actually happened. v_v She was loved very much by all of us and will be missed a great deal. Tomorrow, I'll have to take a trip to go to the funeral, so I'm not going to be around here for a few days. I'm sorry about the bad news ... v_v

This is so sad that I haven't posted anything new in my journal thread since my grandmother died last December. T_T I'm not sure if I've just been lazy or just thought that my life isn't interesting enough for people to want to read, or if I have just been too busy with other things like work. (I used to write a lot of these when I was at work). Today I saw that Batou-san started a journal of his own and that reminded me of this sad, lonely book collecting dust in the corner, on the second page of the Grand Bazaar. Trying to play catchup from last December is probably pointless because my airy little head has forgotten most of it anyways, so I'll just start from the present.

Yesterday was my first day off for my vacation this week, so that meant not getting up early and getting more rest. The kiddies are all done with school, so no need to get them ready for that either. After a lazy morning and lunch we all went to the cinema to see the penguin movie Surf's Up which I really enjoyed. The story wasn't all that original, but the way it was told and presented was quite different and the characters were SOOO CUTE!! ^__^ I loved every minute and I want to go back and see it again. XD After dinner the kiddies wanted to watch Monster's Inc. on the DVD player, so we did that because I like that movie too, well I like almost all of the Pixar movies lol. It's one of the fun challenges of being a parent - finding movies for the kids that I like to watch too. It's probably a good thing that I am an anime nut ... and bad people (anime haters) say that being an anime fan will never be good for anything. :P Then after the kids went to bed, I stayed up to play World of Warcraft for a while. I did a few quests with a friend and chatted for a little afterwards, and then it was too late for me to stay awake anymore ... snooze. So, a good day yesterday. ^_^

Heh...that's what many say about anime...that it won't help as much. Even my parents say that.

However...I agree slightly, but disagree in the sense that I'm able to compare the certain topics and themes discussed and shown in the series, whatever it may be.

Basically...I can easily connect anime to literature in a way...considering the way the story is told and some of the common themes that many of us fans find.

Though...not many seem to talk about it in that sense.

Heck...since when have they ever?

Erm, I think that does make sense Yuki-san. Anime and written literature are both made on essentially the same blank sheet. In both cases the final product is, quite literally, limited to the imagination of the author. Live action TV and movies have an abundance of physical limitations because they have to be produced in the construct of the real world. Although nowadays, CGI technology has allowed the blending of real world film and CGI animation seamlessly so that the audience can hardly tell that they are watching animation. So next time anyone bugs you about anime Yuki-san, ask them if the liked any of The Matrix or Lord of the Rings movies, because there is lots of animation in all of those.

Umm, let's see, what happened the rest of this week? Tuesday we went to the bowling alley and we had a good time there. My son loves bowling and will do it all day, but my little girl is too easily distracted by other things like the candy machines. But instead of chasing her around I just bowled her games instead lol. It was a pretty warm day too, but these wasn't anyone else there except us which is kinda weird. On Wednesday we went to see the Nancy Drew movie and it was a bit kookier than I was expecting. My son wanted to see it more than my daughter, which is a little backwards I thought, but he is the older one and maybe the movie appeals to older kids more than younger ones. It was pretty good with an odd mixture of modern and retro styles, but I don't remember Nancy being quite so obsessive-compulsive in the books. ^_^;; On Thursday we went to a local pizza and game place and both of them just loved that. I just give them tokens and they go nuts playing the games, teeheehee! I saved a few for myself so that I could play the spinning platter games. Those are easy because all you have to do is time it correctly and you can win lots and lots of tickets, which I did and used them to get prizes for the kids afterwards. Yesterday we went and saw The Evan Almighty movie and that was pretty funny I thought and it was a good film for kids to see. It wasn't a very intelligent film, but quite few good laughs. ^_^

Eventually, I'll think of some more things to add to this I think, lol

Ahh, it's Friday night and the end of the first week back from vacation. It started out a little rocky right off on Monday morning but things smoothed out rather quickly though. Hikaru really is a good persona to associate with me because I do react strongly to things that might be unexpected or adversarial in nature. However, over the years I've learned to not stab people with a big sword right off, even though I might feel like doing just that. After that everything ran rather smoothly for the rest of the week and I was even able to get one of my bigger projects completed.

We got some bad news this week when we found out that my mother-in-law has cancer. She's been to the hospital for a couple of tests already to see how bad it is and what needs to be done to take care of it. We're all praying that she will be able to get through this okay. Yesterday I went to the bookstore to get a few more manga books - Hana Kimi #18, TRC #13, and Alice 19th, number 5 I think. I've been trying to come and visit the forum more this week, but things seem to be getting quieter here instead of more active. Summer months are best spent outdoors having fun I guess, so maybe that's what has been keeping everyone occupied recently.

We did find out yesterday that the cancer is operable so it looks like surgery is in the near future for my mother-in-law. The only problem is that she is not in very good physical health generally and she has to go through evaluation to see if surgery is viable. She seems strong enough to me, but I'm not a physician.

This past week I've been out of town for work, so if everyone has been wondering where I've been, that's why I've been absent. This time I had to go make some programming chances on a number of my company's power converter units located at a nuclear submarine base about 3? hours drive from where I live. It was an interesting trip in many ways. The drive down there on Monday was wet and I mean raining cats and dogs the whole way. I had a bit of difficulty getting through the security because the people I went there to see didn't process any of the paperwork ahead of time. It took a lot of patience, but I got through it and things went a little easier afterwards. The base is an old industrial facility with lots of heavy equipment, but I guess you need all that kind of stuff to build a submarine. ;; Not everything was old and dirty though and they had a very nice cafeteria to eat lunch at (they told me that it used to be the officer's club). The work wasn't all that difficult after talking with the people and learning what they wanted to change. They also sent one of the other guys from my company too, so there was two of us there. It was good to have him there to work on the power stuff, but he always wanted me to go everywhere with him which got a little annoying after a couple of days. On Wednesday I tried to see the new Harry Potter film on opening night, but I couldn't get tickets until the late show and I didn't feel like staying up all night so I didn't go. Everything was finished up and I came home late Thursday night. Friday was back to work as usual and the spouse was very happy not to have to bring the kiddies to summer school anymore lol.

Today I finally got to see The Order of the Phoenix and I liked it a lot. I knew that many things would have to get cut because there is so much material in the book. All of the important elements were left intact, but somehow I felt like I was watching a "speedread" version. Some things like Harry's relationship with Sirius Black and Cho Chang were only lightly touched on which was a little disappointing because that character development added so much depth to the movies in the past. (Sirius is one of my favorite HP characters, Hagrid is the other ) The special effects were awesome, the duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort was awesome, and Umbridge was great as the vile crone taskmaster. The Weasley brothers fireworks show was excellent, but it would have been cool to see more of their mischief because I like them ... they're funniess.

Oh goodness, it has been such a long time since I've written anything in here. v_v

I've been thinking about how I've been very neglectful recently compared to how I used to be. If I go back and look at the beginnings of this LJ thread, I remember how I used to come here when I felt like I needed to be alone and to just let hurtful feelings out. I used to be so open about that, but sadly I haven't done that in a really long time. Maybe it's because the community became too large, or because of conflicts in the distant past, I don't know, but now things have become quiet again like in those early times. The lack of activity is probably due more to my own absence than anyone else's.


In recent times I've been very busy with work, but also other activities outside of this forum and I seem to find less and less time to devote to the MKR board. I do feel rather guilty about that and not sharing as much of myself as I used to do years ago. As much as I'd like the forum to become self sustaining and not reliant on my own nurturing, that never really happened. So without my love and attention the forum has kind of dried up and withered like an old plant that has not received any watering. I guess it really is like my custom title says, I really am the Pillar of the forum. And like Princess Emeraude, I allowed my attentions to be drawn elsewhere and as a result my own little world here has sadly crumbled away. From the beginning people came here to this place because they were interested in Rayearth or anime or me personally although I don't like to say that because I think it makes me sound conceited. Over the last four years or so I've met so many wonderful people here, Shiro, Docs, Yuzuki, Batou, Yuki, Tomoyo, and there are just too many more to list and it is so rare to find a community like this where everyone was always so good natured and kind towards each other. It seems like a crime to let something so good just slip away. Maybe because I've grown older and seen so many friends come and go over the years that I've come to accept that as a fact of life ... even though I don't understand why my friends go on to other places without me.

*sigh* I'd better stop now before I make myself cry at work and get all embarrassed ... v_v

It's been a while since I've posted one of these, but less time since the one before the previous post, so I am improving a little bit it seems.

This past week I've been on vacation from work, mostly because the kiddies have no school this week, but also because I did want some time off. I did get to do a few fun things with the kids this week including going bowling, a trip to a local pizza/amusement place, the movie theater, and a thanksgiving dinner at the in-laws. The movie we saw this week was the Bee Movie, done with Jerry Seinfeld and his wife Rene (I can't spell her name ;;). The story was actually kind of interesting and the bee characters were really cute and it was the second time that I'd seen the movie. Being an animation nut, I'd like to see it a few more times of course. XD

Thanksgiving dinner went well yesterday, better than usually. Normally I dislike going to my in-laws because they smoke, but there wasn't any smoke this year for a couple of reasons. My brother in-law was seriously sick with some respiratory illness not too long ago, so he isn't smoking anything right now. Neither is my mother-in-law, but she stopped some months ago because of lung cancer. I guess that I never wrote anything in here about that, but she found out about it last August and had surgery to remove a large tumor at the end of August right before her 70th birthday. The recovery afterwards was pretty hard on her, but everything looks good now without any signs of the cancer returning at this time. Then a couple weeks ago she had an accident while packing her stuff up for moving to a new apartment that is on the ground floor. Her old one is indelibly saturated with nicotine and I'm very happy to never see that place again. She had a fall and broke her hip so she had to have a hip replacement surgery. She really hasn't had a good year poor thing but we've tried our best to take care of her and keep her spirits up. So this year she was absent from Thanksgiving dinner because she is still in the convalescence home. Yesterday I talked to both of my sisters on the phone and they all seem to be doing very well. My younger sister is very anxious to have her second baby, it's due the end of this month, so we are all looking forward to that very much. She already found out that it's a girl but hasn't chosen a name yet. She wants to see the baby after she's born to decide. Today I've mostly been hanging around the house being lazy but I did clean up a little bit and watched anime earlier this morning.

^^

Before I dissect the post a bit, let me just say that I really appreciate the sentiments expressed here. Glad you feel that way. You're a good admin, Hikaru.



Hmm... you think so? Looking through the Member List there's 27 members with a post count above 100, so I see what you mean.



Unless this is about the eZpocalypse, I'm not sure what this refers to. This has always been such a peaceful community that that disaster is the only problem I'm aware of in this place's history, and that wasn't even an internal problem, just an external one brought about by stupidity.



I agree that as the owner of this forum you are the most important member, but I don't think you're to blame. Yume became a rare sight shortly after I joined, and the forum certainly wasn't hurting in its vitality back then. Whatever her reasons for not signing in for almost a full year, they have nothing to do with yourself. Yuzuki started making herself scarce before you did. Lolita made the (stupid) decision to leave forever for almost no reason without anyone's input. And I, of course, have never been a very active member - it's been exactly two months since I last posted.



Nah, it's the truth. I didn't care much about anime in general at the time, but I did come for the other two things. It was obvious that you really did love your forums, and that had a large part to do with my joining - sure, a lot of admins might like their message boards, but that's the extent of what they feel. They lack heart. I joined because I felt that a forum that's truly loved by its admin would be a good place to be.



Indeed. And that's why I'll be sticking around to the end, for what it's worth. Batou deserves a lot of credit, I think - his devotion to the forum became much more pronounced once it started to die.

Wow, thanks Casey-kun, and I really mean it. It's not very often that I get direct feedback on how I have been doing as the admin, but you've made many lovely comments that even got me a little teary-eyed for a moment there. *huggles* It's true that this forum is special to me because it was something that I conceived on my own and made originally with my own hands. Without that none of us would've come here and maybe never even met each other at all. So in a way it has created something special for all of us, unique friendships that wouldn't have come about by other means. It's sad that many members have drifted away, although I know that there are reasons for that and not because they've come to dislike the forum. Since Yume-chan departed, I've been in contact with her by e-mail now and then and I know that her life is very busy. She also has a lot of great friends and a great manga group that she spends time with IRL, so I guess that I have a hard time faulting her for wanting to spend time with them too. But I still miss her anyways. v_v It's the same with Yuzuki-chan who was working a job that she liked a lot, although her manager wasn't wasn't always fun if I remember right. More recently Noriko-chan disappeared and I miss seeing her here too. Every now and then we had a really good conversation together, but she went away when things got really quiet a little while ago. v_v Some past members like Mi and q3m I've seen recently on IM, so I could ask them to come visit again and maybe they will come back.

However I am really grateful to everyone that is still hanging in and coming by to visit the forum *huggles* Even if it is just to see me, but I really don't like being the center of attention and would rather be one of the little people in the crowd. I know that the label "admin" has a certain aura attached to it, but I really want to just be equal with everyone else and not have a special place of my own. Maybe that's not realistic though because every social group needs to have a leader of some kind and lately I just haven't been responsible enough in fulfilling that role. v_v

Hmm, I don't really know to be honest because I've never seen a doctor to be evaluated for any type of ASD. Now that I think about it I've never been to a psychologist or psychiatrist for anything. When I was little autism wasn't well known and if I had shown any signs of it as a child I doubt that anyone would have noticed anyways. Sometimes I have a hard time understanding anti-social behaviors, competition, and why people become obsessed with things like material goods and money. I know there are reasons for it, but I have to imagine and speculate as to what those reasons might be. When Kelly has 10 gold pieces and then goes and steals the only gold piece that Sharon has leaving her with nothing ... things like that are mystifying to me. If Sharon can be happy with one gold piece, why can't Kelly be happy with 10?

I've always been a creative and visual person and I love to draw things even though I never really tried to develop my artistic talents. Sometimes I lament that I never became an artist or an animator because that would have led me on to a life completely different from where I am now. Actually my whole family is rather creative - my mom likes to draw things like I do but she also used to make clothes for us when we were little, one of my sisters is a graphic designer, the other is a textile engineer but also designs and makes clothes now and then, and one of my brothers is carpenter/woodworker that likes to make cabinets and tables when not doing construction work. My other brother is the only one that really doesn't do creative things like that.

Erm, well I don't know if that makes me a defeatist or not. ;; I chose my career path for a lot of the reasons you mentioned - basically engineering is a more marketable skill than art or animation/film. So I guess that I listened more to my head than to my heart when making my career choices. Maybe "lament" wasn't a good term to describe my thoughts on long discarded career options. It's more like speculation or exploration even. If I could go into the world of Back to the Future for example and go back in time to influence the choices of my past self into making a different career move, how would my life have diverged? Would I be happier or sadder, richer or poorer? Obviously I can't go back in time in the real world, but it's still interesting to speculate.

*Hugs* thankies for the get well card Batou-san. I am feeling a little better today.

I'm not really sure what to make of all that Batou-san, but if you're implying that I'm afraid of making mistakes that would be untrue. I've made a lot of mistakes over the years, some real whoppers too, but those experiences have taught me me a lot. So you could say that by now I have traded the idealism of youth for the wisdom of old age (even though I don't really feel old) One of the great tragedies of being human is our physical limitations. People only live for so long (maybe 100 years at best?) and we will never have enough time to pursue and accomplish all of our dreams. And even if we did live longer, we would only conceive more dreams to chase after because that is the nature of the unlimited capacity of the human mind. Besides career, my other big dream that I've always pursued is my own family which I'm still working on ... probably for the rest of my life.

Hmm, I'll need to collect my thoughts again and write down some more details of what has been going on with me lately. But until then I just want to let everyone know that I'm going out of town to visit my sister for a few days and I'll be back in the middle of next week. Hopefully no one will miss me because it won't be for very long. I'll bring my laptop compy with me so I might get a chance to stop by anyways. Seeya again soon everyone! *huggles all*

Sou desu. Have a safe trip Hikaru-san.

My trip to visit my sister's went very well and it was great to see her new baby. Only 2 months old, but she already has a large, beautiful tuft of black hair that tends to point straight up - it's really cute! XD She still cries quite a bit, but that's normal for a baby, and she is a bit particular about how she likes to be held. I think she likes the typical cradling in the arms position the best. It was also good to see my sister's in-laws again because they're fun people and really easy to get along with. Sometimes I like them more than my own in-laws lol. The main reason for going on the trip was to see the baby's baptism and we did that on Sunday afternoon followed by a little celebration at my sister's house afterwards. On Monday I went with my other sister (she also came to visit) to downtown Washington to see the National Mall and some of the monuments. At the Lincoln Memorial I tripped on the very last step and fell down on the sidewalk. I didn't hurt myself because I landed on my hands and knees, but I still had to suffer the embarrassment of being a klutz and having people help me up even though I didn't really need any help. v_v I would have loved to have gone a few weeks from now when the cherry trees will be in bloom, it would be so lovely to see! But all I could see last weekend were lots and lots of buds on the trees just waiting to open and turn the wintry world into spring.

There weren't any traveling difficulties this time around. It also helps that I can get direct flights from my town to where she lives (Washington DC area). Not having to make connections saves a lot of time not waiting around and worrying about being late. And it was good not to have to worry about things because my anxiety has been bothering me again recently although it's not as bad as it was a few years ago. Itena-chan is probably a little disappointed that I haven't posted in the roleplay in a few days, but when I get in an anxious state it just destroys my creativity. It's kind of hard to explain but if anyone else has ever experienced it themselves, I think they'd understand. Hopefully Batou-san won't write up a long diagnosis on me after this because I have seen a doctor about it in the past and I sort of understand what's going on and why it happens to me at this time of the year. One of the many curses of living in a place like I do is the long, cold winter that keeps me cooped up inside the house for many months, from about November to the end of March. The lack of physical activity is one of the problems and I know this to be true because 10 years ago I was much more physically active and in much better shape than I am now ... *cries* And another factor is just plain old everyday stress from work and family. I love my family very much but the personal sacrifice at times seems to be very high which leaves me exhausted and worn out at times and getting older every year doesn't help either ... *sigh* v_v So the increase in bad stress (distress) and decrease in good stress (eustress, like you get from competing in sports and exercising) seems to push me into an anxious state if the imbalance gets bad enough. During the winter that seems more likely to happen, but spring will be here again soon I hope ... I really need to get out and start doing things again. People around here joke a lot about "cabin fever" but it seems to be a reality for me and I just want it to go away. *sigh*

I haven't forgotten about the roleplay Itena-san, but please be patient with me for a little while longer.

Oh really? So you're an aunt then! Children are really a blessing. <3

It's okay, Hikaru-chan. I understand completely. I actually have some anxiety problems myself (genetic ;P), and so I know what you mean. Patience is a virtue, and I won't push you at all.

Thankies Itena-chan *huggles* The fact that I wrote a couple of paragraphs up above means that I'm doing better today. It shouldn't be very long I don't think. I'm sorry to hear that you have anxiety issues too because I know that it's not a fun thing to live with. Hopefully you'll be able to handle it okay. *huggles again*

Oh yes, I already have several nieces and nephews, but a new addition is always a cause for celebration!

Anxiety's not that big of a deal for me, I always try to look on the bright side of things. Optimism actually helps dealing with anxiety. ;P

It'll be quite a long time before I become an aunt.

Optimism does help me too, even if it's just a little thing like looking forward to seeing a movie with the kiddies. Yesterday I took my son to see The Spiderwick Chronicles and I liked it a lot, a very fun movie. It was quite different from the witches and wizards magical worlds like Harry Potter so that was a refreshing change. The film was also set in a landscape very much like the area I live in, so it had a much closer to home feeling than fantasy films usually have. I'm actually more used to seeing New England-like settings in Stephen King films. ;;

So little things like that do help a lot Itena-chan.

Oh, the Spiderwick Chronicles? I've been meaning to watch that, but to be honest I don't like going to the theatres much; the smell of the greasy food and popcorn in the air makes me feel a bit sick in the stomach, so I always try to have some frozen yogourt when I go there rather than the popcorn(I prefer the homemade popcorn anyways).

Well, it's not like the theatre wasn't kept clean, it's just the smells in the air in general. And I understand completely what you mean about the sound; it used to completely scare me when I was little, so I was always hesitant to go to the theatres when I was younger.

Oh! that last picture you showed, I've been looking for it! *goes and saves onto her own computer*

This week has sort of been an up and down and up week for me. Things started out okay Monday and Tuesday, but tiredness caught up to me by Wednesday so I didn't do too well Wednesday night and Thursday. I also think that I was coming down with some kind of cold or allergy thing because I started feeling stuffy during that same time which didn't help. Last night and today I've been doing better though as you can witness me coming to show myself in the forum today. ;; Getting some extra rest at night and taking a nap when I get home from work seems to do me a lot of good. Also, the weather has finally started to get a little friendlier around here, so with some coaxing I've been able to take the kiddies outside for a walk with me a few times.

A few years ago I used to exercise at home, but the problem with that is that it's at home and home life is always trying to keep after me making time for exercising difficult to find. Before that I used to go and exercise at a gym/health club which would be a better idea for me if I can come up with some extra money for the fees. That way I could escape from home life while I exercise and not have to worry about it sneaking up on me lol. ;;

Oh it's one of those weeks, huh? I've had a lot of ups and downs this year actually. I've never had so many sick days so early in the year before. ^^;;;

Ooh, having a walk with your kids? I like taking walks with my family as well, it's very peaceful. ^^ I've always wanted to have kids, though I'm gonna have to wait quite a few years for that. Eheh. ^^;;

You're a very competent person, Batou-chi. No need to say that. ♥

Ah yes, parenthood requires a lot of patience and responsibility. I can see that with my own mother. To be a parent means your actually taking a big role in society, since you're bringing up a person who can either do good or harm to society. A child is a block of clay that needs careful molding and attention, and it's not like you can throw away that block of clay if it dries or is ruined.

My friends tell me they don't want to have children or get married because of the responsibility. For me, it's a responsibility that I want badly. I want to be able to raise and love a child, to experience the need to protect someone more than yourself(that's not to say that I wouldn't take the bullet for somebody, though in the end I won't know until such a situation takes place).

Also, there's the extra step that I'll be experiencing as a mother. Heh. ;; I'm not entirely sure what I think about it, but I've been told that it's definitely worth it, so I'm just going to not think about it. :/

For a little while this morning I went back to a web archive site to look at the original version of my "Hikaru's LJ" thread and I now I'm starting to feel a bit of the sadness of that time five years ago come back to me. But also another sadness, a new one is coming to me too. When I read that old thread I can see how open I used to be with my feelings back then an how nearly every day I would come to the forum and say what was going on with me that day, whether it was good or bad. Nowadays I seem to no longer share anything about myself here anymore and now I need to search for a reason why *snff* time for box of Kleenex ...

When I first made the forum, I was the only person that came here for a long time after it started so maybe the sense of privacy let me feel more secure about typing out my feelings in a place where I could read them back to myself. Since no one else saw them I didn't have to worry about anyone criticizing me or making myself a burden for someone else to carry. But I guess that's just the way people are - we're afraid to be hurt even more than we already are, so we often bear our sorrows alone and in silence.

I think that somewhere along the line there was a change in the forum. An online forum is, almost by definition, a community meeting place so using one for private space is almost a silly idea since that sort of goes against what it was originally designed to do. It was enjoyable to have a place where I could bounce around like a happy idiot or comfort myself crying my sorrows out, but I became afraid to continue doing those kinds of things when other people started to visit the board regularly and it actually became very busy here for a while. No longer was I the little person looking for comfort and peace, I had become the admin, or party hostess, or town mayor, etc.

When I started to feel like I was popular or someone that people looked up to, I think that started to make me a bit selfish and wanting to hold onto that status. I began to feel like if I presented myself too pitifully or too ditzy or too silly that I would lose the respect of those around me. The very things that I'd originally come here to do I gradually stopped doing and maybe that's how I undid everything I had originally made. I had replaced my humility with pride and I wasn't vigilant to prevent that from happening. For anyone that happens to read this, I am so sorry ... v_v

Maybe because I feel that old sense of privacy returning to the forum once again I feel secure starting to write about my feelings again. It does feel good to take the time to come here and do this now, but the question to ask myself is how to keep it up? It is possible to make a private life and a public life work together in the same place? I really don't know the answer to that question. Part of me does enjoy being a community leader, but I also like just being myself with all of fun and iccky things that entails. Somehow I'll have to sort this out with a lot of thought, but for now I think that I will to start using the forum as a private space again.

I have to very much agree with you Batou-kun about the necessity of maintaining relationships. Like a flower garden, a relationship will only live for so long without care and nourishment before it slowly withers and dies. And that's even under benign circumstances and I know all too well that outside forces can actively work to destroy the relationship between friends. This past week has been a prime example of that.

It saddens me that it's taken me so long to come back here to talk a little more. At one time or another I'm sure that everyone has been through a time where life just won't let you stop running and catch your breath for even a moment. After I posted here last Saturday, the rest of the day went pretty smoothly. I watched a couple of episodes of MKR in order the stay in tuned with the MKR rewatch group that Milieva-chan is doing and later on in the evening I played some online gaming.

Then the starting gun made its shot. Sunday morning I went to mass with my family as I do every week although this week was my turn to serve as Eucharistic Minister. After coming home I had lunch and went outside to do yard work (autumn is a messy time of the year around here). Then that evening I took the kids to the bowling alley for their league play. It used to be on Saturday morning but they moved it to Sunday night which I think I like better because it was always rather stressful to get the kiddies up on Saturday morning and get them ready for bowling.

Monday began the visit to our company from a number of people from the Navy who came to see the project that I've been working on. They're good people to work with easy to get along with and everything, however this was another situation where I found myself in the position of playing the party hostess. So that pretty much meant that I spent my entire day with them while I was at work. It meant that I couldn't sneak away very often to do much of anything else, much less come here and see what had been going on. *sigh* I'm so sorry ... v_v

This continued for all five days this week, but the company did buy us lunch every day too! I know that the visit was a good thing and I'm not upset or anything about having to dedicate so much time to my work. It just meant that I couldn't pay attention to some things that I would've liked too. The evenings normally give me some time to do something a little recreational, but this week left very little for any online time. Monday night is the night we bring the kiddies to Religious Ed, but that's always a good thing because it's the one night of the week that we can do something together, like have dinner, without the kiddies XD. Tuesday night I spent the evening playing World of Warcraft, the mmo game I play most often, so that was the only night this week that it was really my choice of what to do. So everyone can throw tomatoes at me for not coming here on Tuesday night. *splat* *sploosh* *splut* Icck ...

Wednesday evening is the night I go to a church group meeting every week. I'm not sure if anyone knows what RCIA is, but it's how we initiate new members that want to join our church. I've been helping out with it for a really long time and I still learn a few new things myself now and then. This past Wednesday I stayed to help clean up afterwards, which I usually do but and my friend that runs the program, her husband was sick and didn't come that night so she was very happy to have me there this time to help.

Thursday night began our little local anime convention - Bakuretsu Con. This year they started it on Thursday which is an experimental first for us. The dealer's room wasn't setup so all I could really do was register and look around a bit. The game room and video room was going but I don't really play games at anime cons. I was able to see a few episodes of Princess 9 which I found to be an odd mix of shoujo and sports genres. I saw 4 episodes and still hadn't decided if the mix was good or not. ;; The music was really good though.

Friday night saw Bakuretsu Con off and running like normal. I found a Rayearth art book and I was very happy about that. I also saw at least one of Lantis-san's (Honou Productions) AMV's in the music video contest and I thought it was very cool! I got to see episodes of a few different anime shows including Dragonball Z, Bludgeoning Angel, and Munto. Munto I've seen before and it's okies and kinda cute at times. Bludgeoning Angel was quite an off the wall series if you ask me. It's like a mixture of a magical girl anime and FLCL if you can get a good picture of that. ;; The male lead ... I really feel sorry for him ... very sorry for him ... I did all of this after work so it was a busy night.

Now I'm finally caught up to today. This morning a slept late to get some much needed rest before running off to Baku-con again. This afternoon and evening I saw episodes of several series including Tweeny Witches, Fate/Stay Night, Hell Girl, Lucky Star and finished the evening with Millenium Actress. Millenium Actress is a favorite of mine that I'm pretty sure I reviewed here a few years back. Lucky Star was pretty funny and really cute, and I had fun watching it. I'd like to see more of Lucky Star and Fate/Stay Night which was also an interesting series because I like those kind of magical/fantasy shows. In the dealer's room I found a number of decorative chopstick sets and also found a pretty silk jacket. I can't remember what they called the jacket, but it is a short version of a yukata.

Of course the usual mundane activities of daily life were also mixed in with everything else I've written about already. So to say I've had a full week would be very accurate, but fortunately the stress level has been lower than I'd usually expect it to be with so much non-stop activity for me this week. Things haven't been going bad for me, there just have been a lot of things. A lot of them have been fun things too, so like with everyone else, my attention has been drawn away from the forum here too. I feel really bad about not writing my impressions of MKR episodes 1 and 2 in the rewatch forum yet and I still haven't watched episodes 3 and 4 either. *sigh* I'll just have to remember that the things keeping people are probably good things for them too.

It's been a while since October 2008. How's life, Hikaru-sensei? Would be nice to read about what's been going on lately.

Hmm, what's been going on with me ...

One word to sum it up would be ... work ... and lots of it. 2009 and most of 2010 were pretty lean years for our company (like everyone else) but in Q4 2010, the floodgates opened and in just a few short weeks we were inundated with orders. Lots of big items, small items, new things too, so I've been on 10 hours for the last three months or so and there is no end in sight. This is good in a lot of ways, but it sure eats up a lot of time. Me just busy busy busy all the time now.

Besides work, we all had a birthday party for Mom yesterday which was a lot of fun to get together with my two brothers that still live in this area. The cousins all got together and had a great time too. My kids continue to grow up and this year they will both finish up at their respective schools. Next year my son will be off to high school ( ... uggh that makes me feel old ...) and my daughter will go off to middle school. She is doing so much better with school now, but I still need to keep after her to do homework. She can be a real party animal and loves to hang out with her friends that live next door.

I'm sorry that I don't have time to write more, I need to go back to work. Tomorrow I'll see if I can find a few more goodies to post.

I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to everyone ... that happens to stop by. It's a relief that most of the holiday chaos is over and now I have a week of vacation to look forward to. **

Happy Birthday to me today! ^_^ Hopefully someone will come by and see ... and this is the first post of 2013! Yaayy! ^_^ I also looked back at the old Ezboard (now Yuku) forum and saw that it was founded in July 2003. So this year in July, the forum will be 10 years old ... that's just wow ... it can't possibly be that long ago that I came here for the first time and opened up shop.