Author Topic: my really crap poem!  (Read 666 times)

cookie munster

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my really crap poem!
« on: October 14, 2005, 12:41:06 PM »
blood thirsty.l

starving, the craving
the lust, blood shed
the nothingness
the return, the power,
the craving starvation
its pure, red, crimson
watching the blood,
leaving my arms,
my neck,
drousy, the blackness
emptyness
sense of security

gone...

minimoon

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2005, 04:35:04 PM »
coolies!
Well done cookie-chan!  ;D

Froggie chan

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2005, 09:02:23 PM »
wow, i love the sharp edge to each line, it gives a sharper impact to the reader!
And its not crap! o_o

"The prince is never going to come, everyone knows that and maybe Sleeping Beauty's dead.."
Vampires Lamest

cookie munster

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2005, 01:35:29 PM »
well thats the last time im ever going to do a poem, heh heh its funni
XD

Froggie chan

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2005, 08:18:59 PM »
From reading that i wouldnt be surpised if you come create some really good poems.
You should try and write more, id like to read them ^_^

"The prince is never going to come, everyone knows that and maybe Sleeping Beauty's dead.."
Vampires Lamest

cookie munster

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2005, 10:54:19 AM »
its just really a list, and im never attempting a poem again, its so crap, ah well, no more poems *ticks box of lists that i will attempt*

cookie munster

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #6 on: October 17, 2005, 12:39:59 PM »
i may try again, hmm

as the knife becomes friendly,
your heart trys to retreat,
yet you know, theres no one here
and no one to hold you back

step forward now, towards the light
open your heart, dont have a fright
for now its time to let it kiss
your unworthy skin, (dont let it miss)

let it penatrate
let it bleed,
your heart will scream
your blood shall run
dark crimson, go away,
im all ashamed, and here i lay..

^^, wow, crap, heh heh, now im definatly not trying to do poems

Froggie chan

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #7 on: October 17, 2005, 03:26:33 PM »
Apart from a little tweaking here and there thats just as blood good!
great job, and once you write poems you get the itch to write again... like a bug o_o

"The prince is never going to come, everyone knows that and maybe Sleeping Beauty's dead.."
Vampires Lamest

cookie munster

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2005, 03:29:18 PM »
yeah, but im not gonna try again, before im tempted ill give it in ^^

cookie munster

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2005, 04:32:41 PM »
i made loads, why why??
ah well, here they are,
~blue greed~


under the saphire sea.
where it bollows to you and me,
the simplicity,
and the pureness,
gives us all the wish to be;
the dreams will open
and swallow us whole,
but yet we dont believe.

if you look twice,
and then a third time,
ill promise you,
a special gift,
one that will promise all
it may be small,
it may be big,
but we wont be able to resist.

so now you recieve, you must pay back
that twisted turn
twisted mind,
that gave us all the care
and all the time,
you were a lie
and i was never here

so what do you see,
what can you feel,
when no one will ever exsist
your greed swallowed us hole,
and now theres;
now there is;
there is now;

nothingness...   
 
crap ^^
and..
 for you ~

it was written,
in solid cold rock
the words that'll last
till your gone
the solid stone,
your last possesion
still remains, today

if you walk, beyond my feet
beyond the stones, and mud
you shall notice,
my gravestone
covered in blood,
who said,
who spoke?
was it really?
was it indefinatily?
well was it..
wasnt it a howl, a whisper?
or maybe

it was a scream, from you mouth
what ever it was, its gone now
shall i see you,
shall i ever?
or is it just
a blood lust curse
written, just for you
and...
~ accepting he did not ~

he did,
he did, he did what he must,
running, and falling,
yet he still did
as he reached,
he was not blessed,
yet more or not,
the thoughts escaped,


so now he knows,
he learnt the hard way
that he wouldnt
and couldnt,
never, forever
reach the one he loves,

running home,
he lands dead
stone cold from the horrid fate

Froggie chan

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2005, 04:58:51 PM »
Wow, great work Cookie!
I love 'Blue Greed' and the opening stanza to 'For you'

As for structive critiism (sp) then i'd say watch for typos, mainly around homophone words (eg: whole, hole.)

"The prince is never going to come, everyone knows that and maybe Sleeping Beauty's dead.."
Vampires Lamest

cookie munster

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #11 on: October 29, 2005, 07:14:28 PM »
eh heh, no thats just my really bad english, most likely,

cookie munster

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #12 on: October 31, 2005, 08:08:12 PM »
....~ open eyes~....

what do you see,
when you look back at me
is it really the girl you know,
im not happy and high, im sad and low
im not energetic or sweet
im stressed and under heat
from the boiling cooker you know

but a'las, one day
maybe youll pass, and i may lay,
upon the heath, that was once send
and the sheath, shall become my only friend
but, upon, the truth of eyes
youll see and mangage to hide,
my envie will grow
and the pain inside will once again flow
but once you can see
ill alow you to be,
someone i may adore!

Froggie chan

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #13 on: November 02, 2005, 05:16:29 PM »
it seems a little confusing but I understand it in a strange way..
But welldone! Great work!
*hugs*

"The prince is never going to come, everyone knows that and maybe Sleeping Beauty's dead.."
Vampires Lamest

cookie munster

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Re: my really crap poem!
« Reply #14 on: November 03, 2005, 01:44:03 PM »
em, its a random, i know, yer, ah well,