 poem, not sure if this goes here :unsure: |
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| Seraph |
 Dec 5 2005, 02:41 AM
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#1
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 Mage  Group: Members Posts: 109 Joined: 6-October 05 Member No.: 28  |
Unwell Feeling unwell, Feeling unwell, Why did I drink so much Zinfandel? Going home; don?t need a ride. Can still pull over if the car starts to slide. Now in the car Now in a ditch Now bleeding badly Oh son of a- Which way to the hospital again? Can?t remember now because I hadn?t Stopped drinking then Ambulance pulls up Wow, this room is bright. Can?t feel my legs, Something isn?t right. Lying down in a paper gown, In a soft hospital bed, With a hangover and a half, Man, I wish I was dead. My parents walk in, I?m screwed now But they just grin, ?Happy 21st birthday? Wow. -------------------- Tuesday.
"You ever have one of those days where you wish the entire world would self-destruct in a raging ball of fire and everyone would be attacked by a pack of rabid Dire Weasels?" "For me, that's Monday." -real conversation with one of my friends, who runs a Dungeons and Dragon's game. |
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| CE Yume |
Dec 5 2005, 10:15 AM
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#2
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 Escudo Wielder Group: Super Moderator Posts: 301 Joined: 5-April 04 Member No.: 24 |
It goes here. ^^
Mm...interesting point of view. And I like the usage of short sentences. Meh, pretty ironic though - I just know that my parents won't be like that. XD -------------------- |
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| Shiidou Hikaru |
Dec 5 2005, 12:43 PM
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#3
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 Pillar of Cephiro Group: Root Admin Posts: 6,026 Joined: 13-July 03 From: Castle of Cephiro Member No.: 3 |
Yes, at age 21 everyone becomes free to drink alcohol in America. But just like with all things that come with adulthood, there is a sense of self responsibility to go with it. So if you're having a bad day and feel like having a few, well that's fine, but as soon as you get in a car and start to drink, then you're taking your life into your own hands (and many some others as well). The style of the poem is very straightforward and to the point. It paints a rather harsh picture, but one that could be very real to many people.
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| Seraph |
Dec 5 2005, 08:45 PM
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#4
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Mage Group: Members Posts: 109 Joined: 6-October 05 Member No.: 28 |
thanks all
 and beleive it or not, I wrote the first version of that in eighth grade. It was revised, re-written, torn up and written again until it became what you see now. And you hit the proveribial nail on the head, Hikaru-san, as far as what I wanted the reader to get out of the poem. -------------------- Tuesday.
"You ever have one of those days where you wish the entire world would self-destruct in a raging ball of fire and everyone would be attacked by a pack of rabid Dire Weasels?" "For me, that's Monday." -real conversation with one of my friends, who runs a Dungeons and Dragon's game. |
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| Haven |
Dec 13 2005, 09:52 PM
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#5
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 Mage Group: Members Posts: 128 Joined: 9-June 05 Member No.: 21 |
Wow! I like it! Short, and to the point. And the point is given well!
-------------------- Briefly he wondered if history would remember her for what she was, or would she fade as others had into the anonymity that was history?
Forgotten only to be remembered by a handful, a story to be passed down by humans and eventually forgotten. What a sad fate, he thought. But as long as he lived, and as long as those that fought alongside her could tell their tale, a part of her would always exist in this world, one small bright spot large enough to illuminate even the darkest soul. ~A fanfic I read |
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| Seraph |
Dec 14 2005, 08:40 PM
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#6
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Mage Group: Members Posts: 109 Joined: 6-October 05 Member No.: 28 |
domo-arigatou Haven-san
-------------------- Tuesday.
"You ever have one of those days where you wish the entire world would self-destruct in a raging ball of fire and everyone would be attacked by a pack of rabid Dire Weasels?" "For me, that's Monday." -real conversation with one of my friends, who runs a Dungeons and Dragon's game. |
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| yumi |
Jan 4 2006, 05:41 AM
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#7
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 Mage Group: Banned Posts: 139 Joined: 4-January 06 Member No.: 64 |
like my avatar its a little zangoose from pokemon!!!!!!! isnt it cute and i loved the poem!!!!!!!! heres the previous avatar but it was boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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-------------------- rurouni kenshin completes me
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