Henheart's Universe
Main Discussion => The Pub => Topic started by: Froggie chan on June 14, 2006, 10:55:15 AM
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The following questions and answers were collected from last year's
O-level exams, and are some of the answers given in exams last year.
These are genuine responses!! (16 year olds)!
Geography
Q: Name the four seasons?
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink?
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A: Premature death.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax,
the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain,
The borax contains the heart and lungs. The abdominal cavity contains
the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"?
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas.
English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning?
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
My entertainment of the morning.
8)
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Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
*cough*
*cough*
*hack*
*choke*
*dies*
X_X
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o_o
*revives MJ-chan*
Breathe!
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Obviously the bull just sat on him.
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*amused*
I've heard a lot of them before, but hey! XD This actually reminds me of how they're dumbing down Shakespeare for GCSE revision guides... Example:
Original Text
Macbeth: Is this a dagger, which I see before me, The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee:- I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
"Simpler" Text:
Macbeth: Oooh! Would you look at that.
*snicker* My God, what is our country coming to? XD
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Disaster.
The way society is going at the moment is beyond belief.
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Yes, but at least it'll be the most unintentionally hilarious species wipe-out since those giant hybrids got screwed over.
(I've drunk nothing today which may be affecting me adversely)
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hmm... i think the amount of alcohol that is available to minors might affect todays youth.... *looks at Caroline*
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Or the anti school culture we studied in sociology ::) sorry just i will fail it so me trying to remember it. XD but duddddddeeee i've been sent them before and they are so... *twitch* hopefully none of my answers will appear in a future one of those
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Or the anti school culture we studied in sociology ::) sorry just i will fail it so me trying to remember it. XD but duddddddeeee i've been sent them before and they are so... *twitch* hopefully none of my answers will appear in a future one of those
I have a feeling mine would! xD
I have a habit of writing nonscence in exam situations.. espically english.
o_o;
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With my english papers the examiner is either going to think i am clever, or a raving lunatic. XD my answers went no about reverse personficiation and so on XD but it all just rant rant rant :P
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The 'describe yourself' question I got very upset about after and while I was wiriting it but i went very methaphorical and wrote in the third person until the end cos yeah.
I screwed it up because I did get really depressed but I couldnt have answered any of the others..
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omg amy, that made me cry, i dont know what half of the questions are asking, but still thats soooo funyy, heh heh heh
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I know. I re-read a few and cheered me up a little. xD
Am muchos arragh at the moment.
The joys of hormones.
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o.o
wait
did you
just say
the "joy of hormones"
wow, your lucky, they drive me up the wall, >.<
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I hated the "Describe Yourself" Question because i was looking for a really deep or at the very least interesting description question and i got that crap! >_0
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You could make it deep.
Mine sucked.. it was in third person til the end.
There was only one line I liked. xD
"Amethyst hair shimmering to black."
Yay for metaphors?
._.
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I wonder if they would have accepted "no comment" as an answer?
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proberly, but you would of got like, 1 mark
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I'm not sure what 1 mark means, but it doesn't sound good. If I'd had to answer a question like that on a high school test, for sure I would've written a physical description of what I looked like at the moment. There's no way I would've ever given a true description of my persona ... >_<
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Heehee, I did the exact opposite. A lot of my answer was taken up with waffle about how shallow it is to judge on appearance. Between that and my ULTIMATE SURVIVAL GUIDE answer to one of the other papers ("remember, human urine is always perfectly sterile") I'm hoping for an examiner with a sense of humour. Otherwise I'll only get the punctuation marks, with a bit of luck.
Exams! How we love thee.
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Gah, I love you Caz!
Gimmie your mind.
._.;
It sounds creative so you should get some awesome marks for that.
*shrugs*
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i did the survival one... i was very sarcastic on it, too, lol.. i was like, dont get pneumonia, or you will die.... lol, ah wells, im crap at grammer, and spelling.. and english.. o.o
em, im f*****, i always put to many stars on that
lol
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Heehee, I did the exact opposite. A lot of my answer was taken up with waffle about how shallow it is to judge on appearance. Between that and my ULTIMATE SURVIVAL GUIDE answer to one of the other papers ("remember, human urine is always perfectly sterile") I'm hoping for an examiner with a sense of humour. Otherwise I'll only get the punctuation marks, with a bit of luck.
Exams! How we love thee.
Sterile in terms of bacteria, sure that's more or less accurate. It's really not a good idea unless you're going to process it through a still first, though. The salt and waste products are such that you tend to use more water processing it then you'd gain from drinking it, which defeats the entire purpose. Ditto Seawater, and that's before you run into the throw up problem.
I'm not sure what the point of that exam is though. The questions listed strike me as general intelligence test type stuff, with pointless stuff tacked on.