Henheart's Universe
Main Discussion => The Poetry Corner => Topic started by: cookie munster on October 14, 2005, 12:41:06 PM
-
blood thirsty.l
starving, the craving
the lust, blood shed
the nothingness
the return, the power,
the craving starvation
its pure, red, crimson
watching the blood,
leaving my arms,
my neck,
drousy, the blackness
emptyness
sense of security
gone...
-
coolies!
Well done cookie-chan! ;D
-
wow, i love the sharp edge to each line, it gives a sharper impact to the reader!
And its not crap! o_o
-
well thats the last time im ever going to do a poem, heh heh its funni
XD
-
From reading that i wouldnt be surpised if you come create some really good poems.
You should try and write more, id like to read them ^_^
-
its just really a list, and im never attempting a poem again, its so crap, ah well, no more poems *ticks box of lists that i will attempt*
-
i may try again, hmm
as the knife becomes friendly,
your heart trys to retreat,
yet you know, theres no one here
and no one to hold you back
step forward now, towards the light
open your heart, dont have a fright
for now its time to let it kiss
your unworthy skin, (dont let it miss)
let it penatrate
let it bleed,
your heart will scream
your blood shall run
dark crimson, go away,
im all ashamed, and here i lay..
^^, wow, crap, heh heh, now im definatly not trying to do poems
-
Apart from a little tweaking here and there thats just as blood good!
great job, and once you write poems you get the itch to write again... like a bug o_o
-
yeah, but im not gonna try again, before im tempted ill give it in ^^
-
i made loads, why why??
ah well, here they are,
~blue greed~
under the saphire sea.
where it bollows to you and me,
the simplicity,
and the pureness,
gives us all the wish to be;
the dreams will open
and swallow us whole,
but yet we dont believe.
if you look twice,
and then a third time,
ill promise you,
a special gift,
one that will promise all
it may be small,
it may be big,
but we wont be able to resist.
so now you recieve, you must pay back
that twisted turn
twisted mind,
that gave us all the care
and all the time,
you were a lie
and i was never here
so what do you see,
what can you feel,
when no one will ever exsist
your greed swallowed us hole,
and now theres;
now there is;
there is now;
nothingness...
crap ^^
and..
for you ~
it was written,
in solid cold rock
the words that'll last
till your gone
the solid stone,
your last possesion
still remains, today
if you walk, beyond my feet
beyond the stones, and mud
you shall notice,
my gravestone
covered in blood,
who said,
who spoke?
was it really?
was it indefinatily?
well was it..
wasnt it a howl, a whisper?
or maybe
it was a scream, from you mouth
what ever it was, its gone now
shall i see you,
shall i ever?
or is it just
a blood lust curse
written, just for you
and...
~ accepting he did not ~
he did,
he did, he did what he must,
running, and falling,
yet he still did
as he reached,
he was not blessed,
yet more or not,
the thoughts escaped,
so now he knows,
he learnt the hard way
that he wouldnt
and couldnt,
never, forever
reach the one he loves,
running home,
he lands dead
stone cold from the horrid fate
-
Wow, great work Cookie!
I love 'Blue Greed' and the opening stanza to 'For you'
As for structive critiism (sp) then i'd say watch for typos, mainly around homophone words (eg: whole, hole.)
-
eh heh, no thats just my really bad english, most likely,
-
....~ open eyes~....
what do you see,
when you look back at me
is it really the girl you know,
im not happy and high, im sad and low
im not energetic or sweet
im stressed and under heat
from the boiling cooker you know
but a'las, one day
maybe youll pass, and i may lay,
upon the heath, that was once send
and the sheath, shall become my only friend
but, upon, the truth of eyes
youll see and mangage to hide,
my envie will grow
and the pain inside will once again flow
but once you can see
ill alow you to be,
someone i may adore!
-
it seems a little confusing but I understand it in a strange way..
But welldone! Great work!
*hugs*
-
em, its a random, i know, yer, ah well,
-
recent events.. kinda helped me make these..
thought.
thought you were there for me,
thought wrongly.
thought friends were meant to be,
thought wrongly.
simply losing such things dearly,
thought i should of known.
people who meant alot.
think i shall give up.
think your not worth it anymore?
lost your faith like this before?
whos you enemy?
whos your allies?
all hidden, all fakes.
think i shall give up now.
Failing.
when your friendships failing;
and you have no where to turn,
when there eyes are glazing:
and its all a blur.
There shall be someone, unknown to some,
who will smarten you up, and make it numb.
so dont despair and dont give in
itll be over soon, just dont give in
I shall rescue you, i shall save you
from these people, from this sin,
of course they will, of course they can,
they sile at you, but bitch behind you
of course they can, of course they will.
They all judge, they all curse.
I dread the day, i hear it all.
all the scum, all to fall.
-
I really really like this cookie.
It's very emotional and kinda reminds me of a few things..
*hugs*
I like the un-set structure as it kinda makes me feel like the poem is based around confusion; which I believe it is.
Great work! : D
-
thank you