Poetry (Ver.2) Options

[Presea]

smart!

[Yuki Fukurou]

*sighs*. I haven't been here in a long time. Anyways...just wanted to put up 2 of my current works.

Here's the first one:

My Inspiration, My Hero:

They say heroes come in all shapes & sizes
And is an inspiration to others.
They do deeds big or small,
The main point is to make a difference in the world,
But usually they make a difference in someone?s life.

I remembered the time my grandmother used to sometimes visit me
I was very small back then, however sick throughout my time
She spoiled me sometimes, but also supported me through my rough times.
She taught me & told me the importance of prayer,
And I try my best to understand that importance.

As time passed, I would sometimes wonder how she is doing
And I remembered the first time I visited my hometown
Being able to see my people, and I got a totally new perspective
I heard from my mom on how my grandmother was so generous
How she used her time to help the poorest of the poor.

Now?as I reflect on her story, I remembered the time she struggled
How she fought through her tough battles, from her work and faith in God
Yet she never showed any fear of dying, as she lay in her hospital bed.
As I think back, her story gave me courage and inspired me to help others.
That is why she is my inspiration, and why she is also my hero.

And the second:

Raindrops:

Cold & damp it was, I sit & ponder
Staring at clouds, with different shades of gray
As time passes, my mind starts to wander
Thoughts drifted back to one particular day.
I hit reply, to an e-mail she had sent
A chance to say I miss her & like her
I start to sweat as time came & went
As I read the words, it looked like a blur.
Worry clouded my mind, I could not explain
She wants to stay friends, I could not comprehend
A pang in the heart, I knew well this pain.
That?s past, as I look at raindrops on the street
Thinking of the right girl I would hope to meet.

[Shirotatsu]

This...is a very imaginative piece that I explained to Yuki-san as being a "poem" that tries to express feeling with sounds only. The two stanzas in English are just me when I got really tired of making up random syllables...and to insert what should be felt at that time in the poem. The first English stanza introduces a conflict. The second English stanza almost acts as if the conflict never happened, since the conflict itself is resolved in the sixth stanza (ashana, ashana, etc).

If anyone wonders what the accents are for, they're there to indicate emphasis on that particular syllable. The meter of the gibberish is made of dactyls (stressed-unstressed-unstressed), trochees (stressed-unstressed) and iambs (unstressed-stressed), with the last line as close to trochee, trochee, dactyl as possible. The English stanzas have no real meter, though one should be able to feel the rhythm.

I know it won't make too much sense, but I really wanted to experiment with my idea of feeling without (real) words and this is what came of it:

"Words are not enough" (or "?nnara, ?nnara" or "Girl by the Lakeside")

?nnara, ?nnara, ?nn'asono
Ts?vuye, ts?vuye, ?t! tasuyo.
S?yari, s?yari, h?p'? pururo?
Haasa, haasa, haasa, o.

P?lulo, p?lulo, ?~ rifuro
?ttana, ?ttana, ?! ma-iro!
M?-iro, m?-iro, m?? m-m-mo?
Haasa, haasa, haasa, o.

?nnira, ?nnira, ?nn'isuya
S?vuye, s?vuye, ?t! dasuyo.
S?yari, s?yari, h?a? uyuwa?
Aasa, aasa, aasa, yo.

Oh! It's so beautiful, the way the two dance!
How I wish I could join them in such a gay prance.
But you know by the lakeside, there seems an old lance
Of a branch, to be there, to put an end to their trance.

S?yari, s?yari, krk! aruro!
K?shara, k?shara, w?! pururo.
T?ruye, t?ruye, n?? ikuho~?
Aasa, haasa, aasa, oyo.

?shana, ?shana, h?~ rururo
H?haya, h?haya, h?! kiriyo.
K?riro, k?riro, ?i? yasono?
Haasa, aasa, haasa, oyo.

?nnara, ?nnira, ?nn'isono!
S?vuye, ts?vuye, at! dasuyo.
S?yari, s?yari, h?p'? pekuro?
?saha, ?saha, ?saha, yo.

And so is the story of the two who did meet,
By the lakeside, indeed, far away from the street.
Did you know, did you know? That to her, 'twas a treat?
Yes, today was the day that she met her dear sweet.

[Docs Fox]

The sky is brown.
The sky is the ground.
To the sky I am bound.
In the sky...
In this sky I'll never be found.

[Yuki Fukurou]

Hi guys. Just came up with another poem. This time, it's an ode. Not sure if there are many familiar with this type, but one poet as an example would be John Keats.

Anyway...this is what mine is on:

Ode to My Mother:

I:

Thou hast watched over me since I was born
Even though tiring & difficult, you never stopped praying
Despite my difficulties and trials, this bond was hardly torn
It was you that stood outside the ER waiting
You said I was your miracle
You overcame many barriers & went through many trials
You always cared for me, despite me being small
You made me laugh whenever your reaction looked hysterical
I was your only child for a while
You always told me to try and pick myself up when I fall.

II:

When I was weak, you made me strong
You told me to keep going at it, even though I was tired
You were patient at times with me, and explained what I did wrong
It was your words that got me inspired.
Even though I had a problem, you were there to lend a hand.
And there were times I had you concerned
As I progressed, I knew you had for me many expectations
Even though I was sometimes clumsy, and things sometimes don?t go as planned.
You told me I should always try & continue to learn
In order to do that I had to have a lot of time & dedication.

III:

Now that I?m older, I know that you have had much strife
Having to take care of me & my brother
And showing me the importance of life
You were special to me, and are like no other
You told me I could always do better
That I should try and go the extra mile
When I was stressed, you told me to do my best
Your words I try to remember
Though I had to be reminded once in a while
Thanks a lot mom, you?re always the greatest.

[Yuki Fukurou]

Hey guys. Here's another one I've made.

Outcasts:

A person that is shunned from society
Sometimes they feel ignored.

Some of us know they have their reasons for being away from society
And some want to be accepted by society for who they are, not what they are

They are people we don?t see very often
Yet we know they are there.

They are sometimes looked down upon, scolded, leered at, made fun of
And very few do a thing about it.

Very few discuss about it, but we seldom acknowledge them
Unless there are some of us that were once like that

People that are overweight, have physical deformities, are gay
Why do we sometimes exclude them out of society?

Why are we focused too much on ourselves & yet not help them?
Is it hard to accept one who?s an outcast? Are they not like us? Human beings?

The least we can do?is try to do so.

[Shirotatsu]

A poem written for a noble cause. I'll give it that.

[Yuki Fukurou]

Here's another ode that I've made. This time...to honor teachers.

Ode to a Teacher:

Teachers prepare us for what lies ahead
Helping us every step of the way.

Each has a different personality
As well as different methods of teaching.

Teachers try to help us learn from our mistakes
They care for their students.

They always offer assistance
To help us succeed in what we do.

Teachers show concern for those with problems
Letting students know they care

Teachers encourage us to learn something new
So that we may continue to grow

And they love what they teach

But teachers can only show us the door
We have to open it and walk through.

And even though there are times we tend to drive teachers nuts
We should still appreciate the time they put to help us learn.

Because without them?we?d be lost.

[Shirotatsu]

I learned about a style of poetry today in class called the villanelle (go to Wikipedia if you don't know what it is) and immediately fell in love with it because of its complex style. I have yet to write one of my own, but I have written a translation of Thomas Hardy's "Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night" into Latin. (A friend of mine suggested I write my first in Latin, but I can't think right now...). So, my translation of the poem.

Noli tu ire facile in noctem bonam illam,
Senectus arsura et saevitura est pavoris fine;
Fure, fure contra morientem auroram.

Etsi sapientes viri fine sciunt caligonem esse rectam,
Cum dicta nullas ignes iniecissent ei
Non eunt facile in noctem bonam illam.

Boni, ultima unda fracta, clamantes illustrius quam
Fragilia facta possisent in verido laco saltare,
Furunt, furunt contra morientem auroram.

Feri viri qui solem rapiunt cantantque in fugam,
Et discunt, nimium sero, se dolere eam itinere,
Non eunt facile in noctem bonam illam.

Graves viri, morientes, qui vident caecis oculis eam
Caeci oculi potuit ardere ut faciunt faces sunt laetique,
Furunt, furunt, contra morientem auroram.

Tuque, pater meus, ibi triste altitudine iam,
Exsecrare, benedice, me nunc, oro, flendo atroce.
Noli tu ire facile in noctem bonam illam,
Fure, fure contra morientem auroram.

[Yuki Fukurou]

I checked on the explanation of this type of poetry writing...and all I can say is...wow.

[Shirotatsu]

Now, the task is mine to write one. ^^

...I have a number of ideas, either I talk about Aeneas difficulty with his mother Venus, or what Aeneas ought to do with the Sibyl's orders, or just some other piece of emotion I have hidden in that mind of mine...

[Yuki Fukurou]

Anyway...just came up with another poem a few minutes ago.

War:

Such a terrible thing, war is.
Sometimes used as a last resort.

Full of anger & rage on both sides.
Always seeing the other as an enemy.

There are intentions that are good, and those that are bad.
Then there are those that have no meaning at all.

Bombs howling, guns firing.
People yelling, people dying.

Their lives are forever changed.
The memory will never fade.

The sheer tragedy & unexplainable horror
Forever etched into the minds of those in battle.

The pain indescribable, the grief unbearable.
Soldiers who watch their comrades die.

Those who can hardly imagine it.
And those that don?t want to even try & describe it.

What point is there to fighting?
Why even do so at all?

What is there to achieve in war?
What is trying to be proven?

Is it not true that hatred breeds more hatred?
Then why even show it?

Who is our real enemy? The one causing problems?

Or is it ourselves?

What is more important? The war outside?

Or the war within us?

[Shirotatsu]

Lots of rhetorical questions there...

So here's my first of such villanelles.

"On the True Origin of Epic Poetry"

Through thee, thou Muse Calliope,
Yes, along with the great Vergils and Homers, your media,
We men have composed through aweful poesy.

Often, you know, modern men cannot see
The beauty and wonder made in such artistic phenomena
Through thee, thou Muse Calliope.

Such things like Aeneas "prithee" said he,
To the Sibyl in Cumae about the journey to Tartara
We men have composed through aweful poesy.

And others like men and perils and many a journey,
They'll start at the beginning, no, in re media
Through thee, thou Muse Calliope.

Ah, you must see that the insane are many,
Whe'er crazed by composition or reading the loca
We men have composed through aweful poesy.

But you know we live in modern times truly
And I, like many, not polytheistic, know it is not vera
Through thee, thou Muse Calliope,
We men have composed through aweful poesy.

Notes:
Since there are only two rhymes in the poem, those ending in the vowel sound "ee" and the other in "a," it was necessary to use some Latin words - the last usage is incorrect, but who cares?
1. Media - the plural of Latin "medium," or one who is spoken through by the gods, etc. Think of a psychic medium = fortune-teller.
2. Phenomena - the plural of Greek "phenomenon."
3. Tartara - a Latin word for Hades.
4. In re media - a singularized version of Latin "In medias res," meaning "in the midst of things."
5. loca - a Latin word meaning "passages of literature."
6. Vera - true; actually, it should be verum, but because English words are really genderless, I'll choose the grammatical gender of the Latin word as I like.
7. Hopefully, you know that "awful" originally meant "full of awe," or "awe-inspiring." In order to distinguish between the modern interpretation "horrible" or "bad," I have written it as "aweful."

[Yuki Fukurou]

Here's another war poem that I wrote:

Middle East:

A country that has many conflicts
Its inhabitants have different ideals.

Muslims & Jews, two different religions
Their ideals in disarray

They have different views on issues
Which constantly clash at each other

Americans try to lend a hand
Yet there are terrorists that hate their ideals

What is with the wars raging there?
Why do they hate Americans so?

Why do they refuse to let Americans help out?
What makes their government get out of hand?

What causes them to turn on each other?
What gives them so much anger & hatred?

Why are we fighting a war that has no meaning?
That?s what it seems to be in the Middle East.

[Yuki Fukurou]

Hi guys. Here's another poem I wrote:

Sakura:

Its branches sway gently in the breeze
The petals falling gracefully on the ground
Slowly winter comes to an end
A sign that spring is around the corner
Have you ever seen something so profound?

Beautiful during the day
Even more during the night
Such elegance, such beauty
What power it has to leave one speechless
Have you ever seen a more wonderful sight?

Sometimes has a meaning for romance
As I watch a petal fall slowly to my palm
The scenery just leaves you in surprise and awe
Just looking at them
It makes me feel somewhat calm.

As the sun sets and I take my leave
I take one last look at the cherry blossoms, and feel at ease
Being able to see them
This memory I will not forget
As the cool air brushes upon me from the night?s breeze.

[Yuki Fukurou]

Here's another that I made a couple of days ago:

Journey?s Beginning and End:

A Journey has a Beginning and End
Full of its own comings and goings
How this concludes is how we choose to spend

As a child, we are innocent and carefree
Enjoying life and having fun
Our eyes are filled with glee

As we continue to progress, we all carry a different load
Having to make certain choices as we grow
On what path to take, looking at a diverged road

We become surprised on how fast time went
While we go on with our lives
We also wonder if our time was well spent

Time starts to change, as we get older
Yet we sometimes like to look back through the years past
And when times get rough, we all need a shoulder

A Journey has a Beginning and End
We?re told to live life to the full, with no regrets
How this concludes is how we choose to spend

[Yuki Fukurou]

Shiro-kun...I know you told me before to not double-post, but...couldn't help it.

Remember when you told me of that Villanelle poem structure...well...after some thought...I've finally come pu with one of my own.

How great is a Father?s Care:

How great is a father?s care
One that shows compassion and concern for their child
Trying his best to always be there

A father tries to comfort their child when filled with despair
To show how much they love them
How great is a father?s care

A father tries to show the child what is supposed to be fair
By trying to set a good example for them
Trying his best to always be there

A father tries to tell the child the importance of prayer
And how having faith in God is important
How great is a father?s care

A father tries to teach the child how to prepare
To help them try and succeed in life
Trying his best to always be there

Dad, I know you always tell me that I should always not compare
I?m glad to be your son and for that I?m grateful
How great is a father?s care
Trying his best to always be there.

[Shirotatsu]

(By the way, double posting doesn't matter anymore. This board is way too slow to reasonably follow that rule all the time.)

Now I must tell you that it is quite an effort; I praise your work. Unfortunately, it is but an imitation of a villanelle, and not a fully developed villanelle. If anything, I can call it a semi-villanelle. There's a reason the villanelle fascinates people - it's quite difficult to create. Not only is there the matter of rhyming lines 1-3-4-6-7-9-10-12-13-15-16-18-19, and 2-5-8-11-14-17, but there's also the matter of making sure the repetition of lines 1 and 3 as the ending of each stanza creates a certain feeling unique to each stanza. Here are the first two stanzas of your poem:

How great is a father's care
One that shows compassion and concern for their child
Trying his best to always be there

A father tries to comfort their child when filled with despair
To show how much they love them
How great is a father's care

One of the reasons it's hard is that there are only two rhymes per villanelle, which is set up in the first stanza. That means that, according to your first stanza, the two rhymes you wished to use were the sounds "air" and "aild," the second being fairly unwieldy in poetry. Yes, "care" rhymes with "there" rhymes with "despair" and rhymes with "care," again, but "child" does not rhyme with "them." In comparison, here are the first two stanzas of my poem:

Through thee, thou Muse Calliope,
Yes, along with the great Vergils and Homers, your media,
We men have composed through aweful poesy.

Often, you know, modern men cannot see
The beauty and wonder made in such artistic phenomena
Through thee, thou Muse Calliope.

In mine, I decided to use the rhymes "ee" and "a." "Calliope" rhymes with "poesy" rhymes with "see" and rhymes with "Calliope," again, as well as "media" rhyming with "phenomena." In comparison again is Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night." In this poem, the rhymes are night-light-right-bright-flight-sight-height. The second line of each stanza ends in the same sound as well: day-they-bay-way-gay-pray.

Since there are nineteen lines in villanelle, the rhyme scheme should go like this:
ABA-ABA-ABA-ABA-ABA-ABAA.

So as an example (I'm just rewriting it):
How great is a father's care
One that shows compassion and concern for his child
Trying his best to always be there

A father tries when they're filled with despair
To show them his love with a few words most mild;
How great is a father's care.

At best, perhaps, you've copied the style, but haven't nailed it. It's up to you whether to revise it so that it works, or to keep and I don't know what you'd call it. Still, unlike mine, it conveys an emotion, something much more valuable than talk of Calliope. Depending on what way you understand the words in my poem, you can discover either a hatred for poetry or my love for it - but you can figure where I might have implied such a thing on your own.

[Yuki Fukurou]

I suppose I could try and revise it...but...not sure as to how.

Anyway...I wrote up a poem in regards to senior year.

Memories of Senior Year:

They say that the end of one journey,
Is the start of another.
Such is the case of the senior year.

Being crazy & rowdy
Staying bored and lazy
That?s how it is with ?senioritis?.

It?s our final year in high school
A set of mixed emotions fills us
That?s how most of us feel as that day draws near.

Our last chance to spend time with friends
Our last few tests to face
Then comes that exit interview

Friends come and go in our lives,
But the memories that we have of them don?t leave.

As time goes by, we should take time to look back
Over the accomplishments made throughout the year.

So while we?re still young, enjoy these last few moments
Because spending it with your best friends
And cherishing them is what makes this year worthwhile.

As we will go our separate ways and take different paths
And then that time we come back for reunion

One thing is for certain?

The memories that we have of high school will never fade away
But remain alive in our minds and hearts.

[Kagura-chan]

I wouldn't have ever guess it would be you that I told all my dark secrets to.
I would never have dream we could be such good friends.
And I hope we stay this way to the end.
Never will I ever let you push me aside.
Cause for you I would lay down and die.
No sexual relationship in between us.
But for you I have lots of love.
We shared laugher and we shared tears.
We been through a lot over the years.
Some were good some were bad.
But I would not trade nothing for the times we've had.
I wish I could take away all your hurt and pain you hold inside.
To dry your eyes from the tears you cried.
I would give anything to see you smile again.
I wish the best for you my friend.
I believe in the person that you have become.
And I have a lot of faith in you.
I know you can do anything you put your mind to.
If you ever need a helping hand.
I will always do what I can.
No longer the boy I met.
But a young man trying to do the best in life that he can.
And I will always stand behind you when you try something new.
Whether you fails or makes it though.
Cause that?s what good friends does and that is what I'll do.
I will for ever be there for you.

hehe i thought this was a very nice poem i found on the internet

hope you enjoyed ^^